Ariana answers questions on "Confidence in Sex"

Introduction

I was recently contacted and asked if I would write something surrounding the issue of "Confidence in Sex" for the website of a friend and colleague, Martin Goodyer, who is a behavioural psychologist and life coach. I thought some of my own clients might also be interested in my responses to the questions, so I have included them here. I hope that you will see how I can help you through improving your sexual confidence, and see how confidence in sex can improve other areas of your life!

You can click directly on a particular section title in the list below, to go directly to that topic. Then click on the "Next" or "Previous" buttons at the bottom of that page, to move forwards or backwards through the pages. Clicking on the "Contents" button will return you to this page.

Contents

1. In your experience, what prevents most people from getting the most out of their sexual experiences?
1. Not prioritising their sex-life.
2. Not viewing sex as a mind, body and spirit event.
3. The lack of a supportive, positive, affirming and empowering "rite of passage" into adulthood.
4. The lack of effective and useful sex education.
2. What are the most common problems that you have found (but that might not be openly acknowledged)?
1. Being in the dark about anatomy.
2. Wanting to "give" the woman an orgasm.
3. Lack of sexual knowledge.
3. What is the most irritating behaviour which you have noted in a sexual encounter?
1. Copying porn stars.
2. Personal grooming issues.
4. Why, in your opinion, do men & women lack confidence in the bedroom and what can they do about it?
1. Poor body image.
2. Lack of sexual knowledge.
3. Lack of self-awareness.
4. Communication difficulties.
5. Do you think that men & women can learn to become great lovers, in the same way that a person might learn to become a great cook?
6. Is it possible to create sexual chemistry, when there might not be any to start with?
1. Diagram showing some different aspects of sexual chemistry.
7. What impact does language have in the bedroom and how can it be used to best effect?
8. How do you suggest that a person goes about changing their behaviour, to get the most out of themselves and their partner, without scaring their partner?
1. Examples of why change can seem scary.
2. Steps to minimise the risk of scaring your partner when changing.
9. What is the single most important thing that a man should do, to improve his confidence in the bedroom?
10. What is the single most important thing that a woman should do, to improve her confidence in the bedroom?
11. Apparently fatigue is the single biggest cause for a woman avoiding sex - does your experience support this and, if so, what can be done?
1. Some examples of reasons for fatigue.
2. What can be done about it?
12. What would you say are the top 10 changes in behaviour that a man or woman could adopt, in order to be a more satisfying lover?
13. What are the biggest misconceptions which people have about how they need to think, act, or behave in order to be better in bed?
14. What are the most common mistakes which a man makes in bed?
15. What are the most common mistakes which a woman makes in bed?
16. What are the best preparations for enjoyable love-making?
17. When a person is anxious about "performing well", what should their partner look for and what should they do to help?
18. Much has been written about the use of sexual fantasy and creative visualisation - what advice do you have in this area?
19. What is the ultimate in loving sexual experiences, in your opinion?
20. Is it possible for everyone to have a satisfying and fulfilling love life?
21. Are there any tips or tricks you have for men or women, that only someone with your experience and understanding will have discovered?