Ariana answers questions on "Confidence in Sex"

What impact does language have in the bedroom and how can it be used to best effect?

Language can have a huge impact in the bedroom.

Words have power to create or to destroy, so it's important to make sure that the words used are chosen carefully, to serve the purpose you wish to create.

Agreeing Words for Use in Sex

One basic and useful thing a couple can do, is to decide which words they prefer to call their "sexy bits" and which ones they dislike being used. This helps each person clarify what the other finds acceptable and lets the other know what their "turn-on" words or phrases are – ones that increase excitement.

Using Agreed Words to Ask Questions in Sex and Offer Encouragement

A further benefit to doing this, is that you can then incorporate these words into questions when asking for what you'd like or when encouraging the person to keep doing what they're doing or alter it. In my experience, men find it very helpful to know if the woman is enjoying something and they don't mind being told to do something a different way, rather than them having to guess or be expected to read minds.

Words can also help in fantasy creation. One of the things I do is role-play. It's great fun and, just as with acting, you can decide to be who you want to be for a certain time.

Words can be used to create intimacy, and intimacy in women ignites passion.

There are some differences between men and women in terms of arousal. Men are generally more visually stimulated. Women often get aroused by auditory and olfactory routes (hearing and smell). That's why any man who wants to turn a woman on will be as good at communicating his desire, affection and how much he finds the woman beautiful as he is at sexual technique, because for a woman, words are equally important.

Descriptive words carefully chosen can be very powerful in sex, provided they don't offend (we've already discussed how useful it can be to agree on acceptable words). For example, you could say, "you have a beautiful pussy" (which is nice) or you can say "you have a beautiful, wet, warm, juicy sexy pussy, I love the way it feels around my cock", which creates a much more visual picture to a woman when she hears it that it helps her arousal.

Men also like sexy talk of course!