Ariana answers questions on "Confidence in Sex"

What are the most common problems that you have found (but that might not be openly acknowledged)?

Being in the dark about anatomy.

This may seem odd considering the number of books there are on sexual tips and techniques these days – but who frequents the self-help sections where these books are most? Women! One of the things I sometimes do in my holistic sex coaching sessions is to start at this basic level. I do this with a combination of diagrams and using me as the "model". Some men have admitted they've never seen their wives or girlfriends close-up before, as their wives insist on "lights-off sex". When they’re shown more about a woman's anatomy, it's one of those momentous moments like when an Ikea instruction leaflet finally gets looked at after hours of tinkering and suddenly it's: "Ah-hah, so that's the missing piece – the whole picture at last".

Wanting to "give" the woman an orgasm.

Another common problem is a man wanting to "give" the woman an orgasm. This is not always openly acknowledged. On the surface this may seem innocent enough… what's wrong, you may think, with a man wanting to give his partner an orgasm? Well nothing in itself, it's just the focus – only a woman can surrender and relax into orgasm… a man cannot "give" her one. What he can do is to help create the right atmosphere for that to happen, and that shift in emphasis is what allows the woman to relax into it and let it happen naturally.

Lack of sexual knowledge is a common problem.

A lot of men still don't realise that most women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. Some women will like a combination of clitoral and vaginal stimulation, others will be able to climax vaginally but this is less common. Each woman will vary in what she prefers and can even vary from day to day in what she enjoys. This can be confusing for a man, so communication is vital both ways. There is even some research now which suggests that some women, with a certain genetic predisposition, may not be able to climax. Therefore a man needs to be aware that women can differ widely in this respect and adjust his expectations accordingly.

There is a lot of myth surrounding the location of the female g-spot. Some books show it as one definite position, while other research now suggests that there is a much wider area of sensitivity, related to a system of roots from the vagina. I personally feel sensitivity in the whole area on and around the g-spot area and in some other zones within the vagina, especially during extended, or after multiple, orgasms.