Ariana answers questions on "Confidence in Sex"

In your experience, what prevents most people from getting the most out of their sexual experiences?

Not prioritising their sex-life.

In my opinion it should be somewhere at the top of the agenda – a person's sex-life can positively or negatively influence other areas of life. Many people simply don't allocate enough time for quality sex. Sometimes spontaneous sex is good, but it's like fast-food - it's OK now and again, but if you eat it every day and don't have a nutritious meal, then you're heading for trouble. The time pressures of work and stressed lives don't help, but it is possible to plan, especially if you realise how it can impact other areas.

An example is a client of mine – Ben (name changed for anonymity).

Before he came to me, Ben had lowered self-confidence which had taken a battering when his relationship ended. As he spoke to me about his life, I could see how the way he felt about himself after the break-up with his partner was seriously affecting his work. He began taking on too much, losing himself in it - it was one thing he took pride in, so he put all his focus on it. I also sensed a need for him to please his boss by volunteering to do extra work, which he confirmed was the case.

Ben's sleep started to suffer. Sometimes he'd get home at ten o'clock at night and just fall asleep at the table. The next morning, he'd find himself still at the table where he'd slept!

After several meetings with me Ben's confidence grew and this led to an increased confidence at work. He no longer felt the need to drive himself to such extremes either to please his boss or soothe his ego; he could see that it was counter-productive.

At one of his work reviews, his boss asked him outright: "So, Ben, what's changed for you… you're so much happier" He simply said that he was now happier in his "private life" and left it to her to interpret for herself what that meant. The boss took it to mean he had a new "girlfriend". He was given an improved assessment. When Ben said to me: "I could never have done this without you, you've made a real difference to my life" I knew he wasn't just being nice, because Ben's is not an isolated case. Other clients have also reported similar positive changes – not only at work, but also in their day-to-day dealings with people, following a new outlook on life. Confidence gained in the privacy of a bedroom can lead to performance improvements at work and also in other areas of life.

Another thing that prevents people getting the most out of their sexual experience, is not viewing sex as a body, mind and spirit event.

Too much emphasis is placed on physical orgasm instead of enjoying the journey along the way and understanding how body, soul and spirit can all play a part in sex. The brain is the biggest sexual organ in the body. In both sexes the brain starts off the whole process of desire, arousal and in men, erection. When people utilise the brain, the subtle energy systems of the body, plus have a deep appreciation and knowledge of themselves and another, the mix can be explosive. This sexual energy can even be harnessed for use in other areas of life. Good sex is an expansive process.